if only I thought this same...

this same thing about God. I ask myself these questions about a person, yet I don't even find myself naturally caring about whether or not I'm good enough for God to love me?... I already know I'm not.
I was thinking about this person that I know that I'll never feel good enough for. Of course I would lie to their face and say, "of course I feel good enough for you" but really I'm always thinking such things as, "am I thin enough for them? am I lady- like enough for them? am I proper and sophisticated enough for them? am I sporty and athletic enough for them? am I smart enough for them? am I serious enough for them? am I too goofy for them? can I be enough for them, am I sexy enough for them, am I spiritual enough for them, am I pretty enough for them, do I have a high enough standard of living for them, am I fun enough for them, can my cooking be enough for them, can my tastes and interests make them proud of me in who I am? is my company enough for them? do they want to hold something else besides my hands, would my ways warm their heart? would my cuerpo be enough for them, would my words be considered lovely and uplifting, would my opinion be weighed?
the reason I care so about this person liking me is because they remind me of how we're all unworthy of a second chance, we're all unworthy of God allowing us to get right what we totally got wrong. I dream of being someone's blessing that really messed up a big part of their life. I would be so presumptuous to think that I could be a blessing to someone else. I could be that person to take care of them even though they see themselves as undeserving of a second chance.
The truth is I need a second chance. I have had several boy friends and I haven't been a perfect child, so I want someone grown up, mature, older, someone who has a life and can take me along with him so I can be his helper, his mate, his buddy, his body guard, his heart guard, his translator (in South America), his other half, may be even his better half, his other.
Wow is this what comes out when I vent?

Love the Lord your God

Love the Lord your God
with all your time,
with all your energy,
with all your money,
with all your talents,
Love the Lord your God
with all your hands,
with all your feet,
with all your eyes,
with all your ears,
with all that you let yourself hear,
with all that you let yourself see,
with all your mouth,
with all you say,
with all your senses
Love the Lord your God
with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
with all your strength,
with all of what you are
Love the Lord your God
with all your voice,
with all your song,
with all your food,
love Him, love Him.
Love the Lord your God
with all your clothes,
with all you prayers
and in your devotional time really devote yourself to Him.
Love the Lord your God with all your studies,
with all your friends,
with all the relationships you have around you,
with all your conversations,
Love the Lord your God,
Love the Lord your God
with all that He has given you,
with all your fire within,
Love the Lord your God.

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God...
the [earth's] firmaments show His handiwork.
Day unto day utters speech...
Night unto night reveals knowledge.
There is no language where their voice is not heard.
Their [proclamation]has gone out through all the earth...
Their words go to the end of the world.
In these praises, He has set a tabernacle for the sun,
which is like a groom coming out of his chamber,
rejoicing like a strong man ready to run a race.
Its rising is from one end of heaven,...
its circuit to the other end...
there is nothing hidden from his [warmth].
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure, making the simple [into]wise;
the statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
the commandments of the Lord [are] pure, enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever.
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
They are to be desired more than gold, yes, much more than fine gold;
it is sweeter than honey and the honeycomb.
More over by them Your servant is warned,...
in keeping your law there is great reward.
Who can understand his own errors?
Cleanse me from secret faults.
Keep your servant from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me.
Then I shall be innocent of great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart
be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

My deepest desire

My deepest desire is to speak out spiritual water out of my mouth. God's water- the water of life- Jesus. Even when I'm simply talking to someone I desire love and graciousness to gush out of me. If you already know me pretty well- you know that this is not the case right now. Sometimes the water that flows from my heart out of my mouth is salty and disgusting. I cannot have two sources of water- it all (good and bad) comes from the same place, but that is not possible. God cleanse my well, cleanse my heart so that the water of Life- your word flows out of me on to other people- to refresh them, to quench their thirsty souls- I don't want to disgust and annoy them. Lord, I just want everyone who gets done talking to me to just feel absolutely wet- soaked to the bone with Your good water- just sopping wet with your love and grace- drenched, completely and totally drenched. The best thing I can think of is You allowing me to recklessly spray people with living water and then they go and hug someone as dry as a dead plant and refresh them. Oh Lord-anything is possible with you- Jeremiah 32:27 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"
Lord make me your Bride so that I can say to all that are thirsty, "Come and drink freely of the water of life and refresh your souls"

Jesus Adrian Romero - No Hay Paredes

Quiero llevarte a todo lugar conmigo
Quiero que entre la gente seas conocido
Yo de ti no me averguenzo eres mi dios

Quiero llevar tu voz por todo camino
Y de tu amor hablar con desconocidos
Al lugar donde trabajo
A la escuela y donde viajo
Te quiero llevar

Fuera del templo y la religion
Por todo el pueblo y toda region
Entre las gentes que vagan hoy
Sin rumbo fijo sin direccion
Entre las plazas de mi ciudad
En donde hay tanta necesidad
Por todas partes te llevare
Pues no hay paredes que te puedan esconder

Quiero que en todas partes estes conmigo
En mis conversaciones con mis amigos
Quiero que tu seas el centro de atencion

Quiero que seas el punto de referencia
Y caminar conciente de tu presencia
Al hacer un comentario
En mis platicas a diario tu debes estar

Fuera del templo y la religion
Por todo pueblo y toda region
Entre las gentes que vagan hoy
Sin rumbo fijo sin direccion
Entre las plazas de mi ciudad
En donde hay tanta necesidad
Por todas partes te llevare
Pues no hay paredes que te puedan esconder
(X2)

Mi amigo siempre tu seras
Conmigo siempre tu estaras
Conmigo yo te llevare
A cualquier lugar

Un nuevo dia empezo
Y tu a mi lado estas
A donde iremos hoy
Que me platicaras
Ayer se fue veloz
Y no hay mañana aun
Te entrego mi atencion
Solo me importas tu

Coro

Quiero darte mi dia
Que mi vivir sea una melodia
Para ti
Quiero ser tu Alegria
Y caminar juntos todo el dia
Y reir

Te doy mi devocion
Mis horas bajo el sol
No hay planes para hoy
Mi agenda se perdio
Mis pasos seguiran tus pasos
Al andar
Deleite me dara
Hacer tu voluntad

Coro X2

Un nuevo dia empezo y tu
A mi lado estas

Thankful- Full of thanks

I am thankful for food, for daily food, for food that is fresh, healthy,and delicious. I can eat or not eat whatever type of food my money can buy, and sometimes I just eat something for the comfort or taste and not because I'm hungry. I am thankful that I do not go starving, never knowing when I'm going to eat again.

I am thankful for a house, I am thankful for a home. It is a safe place, it is in a quiet, beautiful neighborhood. There are no gangs, no violence, no bombs, no shotting... it's quiet, you can hear children laughing and playing in the park. I am thankful that any drug sales that have happened in the park across from my house has not involved any of my family. I live in not just any house, I live in a nice house. The cooling works, the heating works, the foundation is good, I have electricity, running water, indoor plumbing, ( I just took a shower with warm water) another luxury I have so often taken for granted.

I am thankful for clothes, nice clothes, warm clothes, I am thankful I have enough clothes to give away half of them and still have enough to last me for the next year.
I am thankful for shoes, I am thankful the shoes I have are comfortable, my size, good looking, and I have quiet a few of them to choose from.

I am thankful for family. Some have family that it would be better to separate from because of their detrimental behavior, but my family is the healthiest thing for my life. My parents are wonderful, my two older brothers, John and Matt, are wonderful, all my sisters are wonderful, my niece is wonderful... I cannot survive without them. I have not cherished and loved them as I should, I hope I can do a good job conveying to them how much I truly love them.

I am thankful that I do not have soldiers and what not barging into my house and taking my father and mother or taking my older brothers and forcing them into their army, or promising my sisters jobs and a better life and then selling them into the sex slave industry.

I am thankful for medicine and knowledge on proper sanitation. I am thankful for clean places to go to the bathroom, for soap and water readily dispensable to me.

I am thankful that I, as a girl, have the right to attend school. I can learn anything I want and pursue whatever career I feel like pursuing.

I am thankful I have legs to walk, I can run, I can jump, I can do most anything on my own (except spread my arms and fly). I am thankful I have arms, I am thankful I have all my body parts and all of them function properly and not one tooth is without its pair. I have all my hair, my muscles are strong, my skin is good- I am perfectly healthy.

I am thankful for choice, choice in anything, the choice to live, the choice to do.

I am thankful I can chose whom I am going to marry, no matchmaker, no parents, no preacher pastor, just me and my honey-we chose each other-.

I am thankful I can see, hear, taste, smell and touch- it is glorious and I can't imagine life without one of them. I am thankful I am not mute. Sometimes it would be better for me, I would get in less trouble, but God is teaching me how to control my tongue and one day maybe others will be thankful I am not mute either.

I am thankful I can read and write. I am a horrible speller and I do not read very well aloud, but those are both things that can be fixed with my will to practice and improve myself.

I am thankful my parents are not poor and they can support all seven of us young adults and one baby (in some shape or form).

I am thankful we have the back cottage for Matt and Jenni to stay in for their first year of marriage. I am so glad they did not move far away.

I am thankful for friends, dear friends, here mostly anyone I met can be my friend- it is something not to be taken for granted.

Lord, why me?, why me?, I have so much and I never take the time to thank you for it. I'm still not done, there is so much to thank you for. It is so mind boggling to think of everything that I have and to think on those who have none of these things and I am humbled before you. It reminds me of what you said, "To whom much is given, much will be expected of him"

5-11-10
I just want to continue praising you. I am so thankful for the lap top my parents bought me. I am thankful my family has the money for cars. I am thankful for music, I am thankful that I was born into a family that taught me about God. On top of that not only brought me to church and taught me at home, but my parents lived it out for me.
I am thankful that my parents did not separate even though they had a lot of struggles while we were growing up. I am so so thankful that they did not break their covenant with God, with each other, with us kids. They have been faithful to one another and even though I once thought that they should separate- God has brought us through this in one piece and for that I am eternally grateful.

I am thankful I live in the U.S. I am thankful I live in California, I am thankful I live in Turlock. I am thankful that God changes my position in life when ever He wants me some where different. I am thankful I can trust Him.

I am thankful for every person I have ever met and for every person that I will one day meet.Even with people that things have happened that i wished never happened- all of it is for my good to learn from life, and for that I rejoice.

I am thankful for my mother. She is so wonderful. She really should have been born with eight arms because she tries to conquer her world of chores and duties each day and I love her for her heart and passion to help others.

I am thankful for my father. He is noble. I am thankful for our prayer walks together, for the way he gives advice, the way he stays calm in stressful situations. I am thankful for his hugs that he gives me when I'm in a bad mood and he loves me into a good mood.

I am thankful for God's plan. He has a plan for me. I am so glad God knows what He is doing with me, 'cause I sure don't know what I'm doing.

I am thankful that I have committed a year to being single. It was all God's idea for me not to date anyone in 2010. Since I have not been single for any substantial amount of time since I was 16; and I'm 22 now- this is a most refreshing state to find myself in. I want to find out what God's calling is for me I'm tired of just sitting like a bump on a log in life. I am thankful God has the power to use my life for something useful.