this same thing about God. I ask myself these questions about a person, yet I don't even find myself naturally caring about whether or not I'm good enough for God to love me?... I already know I'm not.
I was thinking about this person that I know that I'll never feel good enough for. Of course I would lie to their face and say, "of course I feel good enough for you" but really I'm always thinking such things as, "am I thin enough for them? am I lady- like enough for them? am I proper and sophisticated enough for them? am I sporty and athletic enough for them? am I smart enough for them? am I serious enough for them? am I too goofy for them? can I be enough for them, am I sexy enough for them, am I spiritual enough for them, am I pretty enough for them, do I have a high enough standard of living for them, am I fun enough for them, can my cooking be enough for them, can my tastes and interests make them proud of me in who I am? is my company enough for them? do they want to hold something else besides my hands, would my ways warm their heart? would my cuerpo be enough for them, would my words be considered lovely and uplifting, would my opinion be weighed?
the reason I care so about this person liking me is because they remind me of how we're all unworthy of a second chance, we're all unworthy of God allowing us to get right what we totally got wrong. I dream of being someone's blessing that really messed up a big part of their life. I would be so presumptuous to think that I could be a blessing to someone else. I could be that person to take care of them even though they see themselves as undeserving of a second chance.
The truth is I need a second chance. I have had several boy friends and I haven't been a perfect child, so I want someone grown up, mature, older, someone who has a life and can take me along with him so I can be his helper, his mate, his buddy, his body guard, his heart guard, his translator (in South America), his other half, may be even his better half, his other.
Wow is this what comes out when I vent?
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Joyce, you are so real. The thoughts and feelings you have are worded so perfectly to relate to many a young girl out there. It touched my heart to see yours poured out and I believe with all my heart that God will bring this man to you, just wait on the Lord. I want a man who loves me too. And it is so true that Jesus loves us just as we are and we are "good enough" (only in that He made us that way) to be cherished by Him. I know Jesus cherishes you. Rest in His arms. He will hold you as He fashions your life in His perfect and holy plan.
ReplyDeleteKeilah